Welcome to your very own Pocket Kingdom!  

Now Player, you are what we like to call a "Noob" - brand spankin' new, with little knowledge of the Map of Ulgress, and little skill at running a Pocket Kingdom. That's why you have me!

I'm what is commonly called a "Fabbis." Your "Fabulous Assistant"!

You may not be much now... but when I'm done with you, you'll be a total badass - not even joshin' - BAD ASS. I mean, small children will burst into tears when they see you coming.

I know... I know... You're very lucky to have me on your side.